“Bless me Father for I have sinned…” It’s been six months since my last post.
I have struggled on many fronts, though the lessons learned have ultimately brought unexpected joys and self-knowledge. I stopped publishing because I began to feel raw and vulnerable. There was too much of me out there, as well as others whose lives touched mine.
“Try another voice? Dial it back from reality?” the suggestions only brought a sense of defeat – a stilted story of someone else. Don’t get me wrong; I adore fiction and devour at least one novel a week. I, however, can never produce fiction. So I have not stopped writing. My journals overflow with more than 4000 words a month. The editing is woefully lacking and I question whether anyone else would find solace in the words.
How does one reinvent, reemerge, recover lost ground? One thought is to compose a letter, a pen-pal style missive once a month to those who kindly support me and have an interest in my writing. If recipients were those I knew is some capacity, and I could feel more comfortable sharing my intimate view of life, perhaps many needs could be met and the dilemma would be solved.
Thoughts and suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Therapeutic Misadventures 
Delighted you are re-emerging! Great photo of Alice in Wonderland… no snow shoes required..
LikeLiked by 2 people
thanks Dopp! Your support is immeasurable.
LikeLike
Wonderful to read you again! And I’m also glad for a photo of Alice (even if she’s surrounded by ice.) I actually love your idea of once-a-month. I’ve struggled with ‘keeping up’, and maybe that is a solution. So, so glad you are back.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you Susan. I am still not convinced I want to so ‘public’ but it is a start!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So glad to have you back. I really missed hearing from you. Although we are strangers to each other in the physical world you connect with me through your writings. Through your blog, at different moments, you have moved my heart, inspired me, educated my mind and enlightened my soul. Anytime I hear from you it will be a gift.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m touched Dinah. Your support is wonderful, your kind words are appreciated.
LikeLike
It’s nice to see your words out there again Martha. I’m glad that you’ve continued to write, that your thoughts haven’t been silenced. You just have to come up with a format that is comfortable for you. I too have been writing and re-writing and re-writing. Taking baby steps to put a work of fiction out there. Your book and blogging has been inspirational for me. Thanks for sharing.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you Fred! Good to hear from you!! I am still trying to figure out a comfortable way to publish but have not stopped writing. Glad to hear you are still writing as well.
LikeLike
It’s so good to read something from you again, Martha. I was hoping you would return. You were one of the first bloggers I began following when I joined WordPress nearly three years ago, and I’ve always enjoyed your posts because they give me a hint of what it’s like to live in your part of the world. But I know what you mean about feeling raw and vulnerable, so if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you certainly don’t need to reveal things to strangers.
I am a stranger, and I live far away, so I only know about your part of America through you. I will probably never visit America in person, but I do love the verbal visits to your world. I enjoy reading about you and Alice walking in your beautiful countryside, the bees, the snowfalls and the horses you have loved.
However, if you wish to hold back from strangers, I believe there is a way to make your blog private so that only people you invite are able to read the posts. I’m not sure how it works, but I’m sure the good people at WordPress will be able to tell you how to do it.
Personally, I hope you don’t take that route, but whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you Susan. Your thoughts and encouragement mean a lot to me. I will look into the private setting with a way to invite those who are interested in reading my drivel. Hope you are well and making it through the winter in style!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t count the number of mornings I’ve sat at my desk, opened WordPress and missed you! I understand how telling your story to thousands of followers might make you feel raw, but, on the other hand, there are those of us out here who have been inspired and moved by your experiences. I look forward to your words, no matter how often they come.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Many thanks Laura for your support, encouragement and friendship. Life is all about change, hard as it may be to accept. I miss the days we used to go out shooting locations together. Hell Hollow was one of my favorite adventures.
LikeLike
Welcome back! I think a once-a-month letter is a good start. Looking forward to it.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you my friend. Your support means a lot to me and I value your input. Here’s to starting over, again!
LikeLike
There is a huge smile on my face to see your post. I have missed you so much. The little glimpses into your world and the wonderful insights your brought always lit up my day and I’ve thought of you often, even though we have never met. There have been many times when I’ve wondered why I write and publish and thought seriously about stopping too. Something always compels me to keep going though. Perhaps writing more about the things around me and the history of the things I see rather than me makes it easier. I’ve certainly struggled with memori type posts. Welcome back! Long may you continue.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh Marie, you make me blush. I have missed our ‘conversations ‘ and am embarrassed to say though I read your posts I have not commented lately. I am getting back into my writing habits and look forward to continuing the dialog. Thank You!!
LikeLike
So glad you decided to return Martha, as I really appreciate your openness and honest writing. I not only read your blogs, I feel them. Do stay!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Susanne, your comment touched me deeply. Thank you. I am honored.
LikeLike
I’m glad you’re back you were one of the first bloggers I followed too. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank You Anne, it feels good to be in touch with you again and all the kind folks who have commented. I missed my community here!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yay! You’re back! We have missed you so much. We always look forward to your posts – always insightful, honest, and genuine. Welcome home. 🙂 Terri & James
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Terri & James. “Home” indeed. I didn’t realize how much I missed this cyber home and community.
LikeLike
Hello again! You are a gifted writer and you can make an ordinary day sound extraordinary. Maybe your honesty and bearing your soul is what attracted many to you but just share what you feel comfortable sharing. I look forward to seeing what you decide. Wishing you the best!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you Annie. As a fellow New Hampshirite, we are truly emerging from the season and dark and cold. So glad you are still here!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yaayyy, you’re back. I’m so happy to see a post from you. Please keep blogging. If you don’t want to write about yourself, pick a subject and focus on that. (That’s what the experts recommend, anyway.) Beekeeping, New Hampshire, wildflowers, kayaking, horse ownership, photography. You have so many to pick from and I’m sure I missed a bunch. It would be like what I do with my Posts About Boston. http://aknextphase.com/posts-about-boston/ I learn so much writing these and I go on location hunts to find good things to write about that are even more fun. I love knowing how you’re doing and I would like to receive a regular update in some form. Just don’t stop!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you Aline! Your kind words of support mean a lot to me. I am finding my way with less on many fronts. Your suggestions make sense. I have disconnected from Facebook for starters so anyone who really wants to read me will have to actively follow my posts. Be well my friend and write on!
LikeLike
Never trust anyone without a dog. That’s Molly Malamute’s philosophy. Sort of mine, too.
We always were taught to send the dog ahead on the trail first: to clear the way. Alice is doing that nicely.
alinekaplan has some terrific ideas in her comment. But basically your path will emerge as it will – and that will be comfortable. Susan’s right about it’s not hard to make your blog “private” or by invitation only. (Go to “Settings” and then “Reader Settings”, then “Site Visibility ” I think. I’ve forgotten – check the WP forums/help questions. You can turn it off and on for posts as you wish, too.)
I know what you mean about too much being out there. Sometimes sensing a change in wind or coming storm or too much dust in the air, you have to shutter the windows a bit.
It’s difficult to keep up – with expectations for your own blog and as well as reading everyone’s blogs (which is fun, but there’s just so much time…the guilt is depressing and overwhelming – and it shouldn’t be)
Journal writing is a perfect idea. Editing not required. In time maybe something else. Always happy to see you’re posted something – always a good read here.
Meanwhile, outdoors is calling and there will be a lot going on as the season changes.
Meanwhile, let a dog lead the way. They rarely steer you wrong and always have your best interest at heart.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah my wise friend Phil. Thank you for understanding and helping me see through the forrest of distractions. Agreed the guilt for not reading every post from faithful followers is daunting. I have reissued my promise to myself to do better this year. Indeed, a dog will never steer you wrong, even grumpy old Alice speaks only of true feelings.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Martha, welcome back! I too have taken a bit of a sabbatical from blogging – a little here, a little there. You know.
It’s great to see you out here again! I’m retired now – it’s been two and a half weeks, where DOES the time go?!?! – and I really need to get out and about with my camera again and soon!
LikeLike
Hi Martha, bless me for I am more the one who have sinned, I have not posted since March 2016, and I have not opened the reader once on WordPress since that time to read anyone else’s posts since then. I was sitting on train station 10 minutes ago and thought of you, and went on WordPress and randomly read your post on the lottery and remembered instantly how wonderful it was to read your words. I will now go back and read more again, I also read that you haven’t posted for 6 months, and is is easy to not post. Life gets in the way. Quickly from my side, I ran out of embarrassing stories about myself to write about so I have set myself on a blog series of 25-30 posts but my problem has been in being happy enough with the overall content to start releasing the first posts, knowing that once I start I cannot go back. It’s a story about a 6 month surfing journey with mates around Australia when I was 18. In doing the writing work offline whilst doing the usual life stuff, I fell off the WordPress platform. I’m Hoping to get back into posting soon. I’m now sitting at the other end of my train trip on the platform near home, finishing this message. The walk home is only 10 minutes but I know I need to finish it now because it won’t get done if I wait til later! I haven’t read back through your posts yet but it sounds like you have found some difficulty in keeping your life in public view, openly honest and transparent, but please remember that your ability to write is a gift and there is every reason to share it with anyone who is lucky enough to read it. You will see lots of Australia reads as I go back and catch up. Bless you Martha. I read one post and remembered why I always read your others, always from opposing seasons and on the other side of the planet! Cheers Nolsie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nolsie! So good to hear from you. Thank you for sharing the moment you were writing this comment. It was a dose of reality, remembering how I enjoyed all those who were kind enough to take a moment from the business of Life to say hello. As to your blogging – write about your dog, your day, your season. Not every post needs to be about the stories you remember…make new stories!
LikeLike
Thankyou Martha, I’m waiting to remember old stories, which may not happen regularly. Will post in the next week or so, an old story re-emerged over the past week. Still working on a blog series but life keeps getting in the way, I keep going back and changing the format on previous completed parts of it, when I really should just posting it and then making myself keep up with weekly instalments. Will work on my brain and do it. Even writing this helps! Hope things are warming up where you are, we are now heading into colder, wetter days, and it is dark when I walk Rosie in the mornings. I enjoyed your post about the issues you have been having with the bypass proposal and I hope you persevere with it, but enjoyed even more so your description of your relationship with Alice. I wish dogs could live as long as we do!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah the change of seasons! Yes, days are longer we have light at 5:30am and it slowly disappears around 8:30pm. So much more productive days! I planted flower pots on my deck this weekend but a hard frost this morning nipped the more fragile plants. Spring is such a tease…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so happy to see you again. However you choose to interact with your blog and followers will be wonderful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So glad you’re back, Martha. Maybe the time away was what you needed to rejuvenate. I look forward to more blog posts. 🙂
LikeLike