Pressure…

How ironic that the days I drive home full of tension and self-abuse, are those I find my stride and the thoughts flow through my fingers? I berate myself with self-doubt and somewhere along the way, a seed is planted and I feel the words flow and I’m ahead again in the world of meeting my self-imposed goal.

Why is it the nights I don’t have to think about writing, Fridays when nothing is “due” in the morning, I can sit and think for hours, catching snippets of ideas for posts like the fly paper streamer hanging from my palm tree. It’s time to take that down, by the way…

It’s Friday morning and I have nothing for you folks. Welcome to a new writer. I left work early yesterday because I was practically drunk with tiredness; happy, list-all-crossed-off satisfied, and thrilled to set up a really great dinner then crawl into bed for a late afternoon nap on a rainy, Fall day.

Though I poured thoughts out after dinner, it was a brain-dump and served only to relieve the pressure of the thoughts crowded against the walls of my cranium. Nothing “blog-worthy” there.

So, it is the end of the week and I’m humbled to look at the stats that drive so much of life; to learn that over 1,000 people have found my little rant. I have written 435 posts, five a week, for the past twenty-one months. That means getting up and putting a piece of myself out there into the atmosphere, no pay, no glory just because I have to. And those who have found a nugget to relate to, will forgive me if the pressure of being entertaining escaped me this morning…

Thank you for supporting me being me…I am humbled.

14 thoughts on “Pressure…

  1. First of all, you dont “have to” do these blogs for anyone other than your committed self…you are a talented writer that is bold enough and selfless enough to share daily doings and thoughts with “everyone”… friends, loved ones AND strangers. You speak of real life, nothing glossy, just day to day reality of your little corner of the world and how you walk through it. Depending upon the glasses you choose to wear on any particular day, the view changes and your take-away might be rosy or not. Regardless, you search, mull, wrack your brain and ultimately write…. even today when you write that you have nothing to write… clever girl, you still manage to suck us all in…. 1000 followers you say?

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  2. You got away from the rat race, don’t put yourself into another one. .. mind you kettle and pot spring to mind…Have a lovely weekend, do some weeding, don’t think, walk the dog, make pancakes and put cheese in them instead of syrup… I’m taking daughter back to University in Wales so will glory in hills and near where I grew up…Wellingborough is so flat! ;->

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  3. I have the same issue with writing. If you flip through my life time of journals, it is always the negative, tiring times of life that I wrote obsessively. It is hard for me to write when I am feeling positive and happy. I don’t know why, but my writing is not as good when I am feeling up. I have had to make effort to change that, but for whatever reason it goes against my natural tendency.

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    • Interesting LauraBelle. When I read my journal entries from the years that became my memoir there was a lot of negative thoughts. These days they are more on the side of being grateful for what life has provided. I guess a balance is necessary, right? Just like some songwriters only sing sad songs…

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  4. In the short period of time since I started my blog, my greatest satisfactions come from those moments when a nifty phrase or random thought pops into my brain, entirely unbidden. Just like those increasingly frequent moments as I approach my sixth decade where I cannot think of the word I’m thinking of or want to use but if I bide my time and wait until I’m more relaxed – voila! There is it.

    So. I think I know where you’re coming from. Enjoy your posts and BTW — just wrapped up your book. Enjoyed it Martha. The last few revelations actually made me gasp. I hope you are happy and at peace. I’m proud to call you friend!

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  5. I understand where you’re coming from. I didn’t promise to write every day, that was never the plan, but it seems to have happened more or less like that. Some days are easier than others though and, if I don’t write anything at all, I feel bad. There are times when I tell myself not to write, it doesn’t matter, why would anyone want to read it anyway? Still I can’t help myself.

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