I am picking fights with everyone, including and most disturbingly, with myself. Beyond a certain sense of ennui, I am prickly and raw to the touch. I am profoundly aware that there is something out of kilter with my universe yet there is no evidence to support that theory.
If children go through stages and growth spurts, why did I think it would end when I grew up? That’s exactly what this is, the terrible-twos, the awkward pre-teens, the reckless twenties, all rolled into a bad attitude I am not finding attractive in myself. Is there a stage of life called the “itchy sixties?”
My house needs a huge cleaning, literally and figuratively. Closets should be purged of cast-off clothes drooping from tired metal hangers. Corners should be swept of thin cobwebs and drawers should be emptied of useless clutter. There’s a restless prevailing wind, as Hanni pointed out to me today. “When I’m home, I want to be out doing anything. When I am out, I just want to be home.” So at least I comfort myself that it is not just me.
Others are commenting on a sense of discomfort. The shortness of daylight leaves everyone tired. Dark mornings make it harder to throw back the covers and greet the day. It could be the change of season. A quick look back through the boxes of my journals might point me toward an answer about seasonal shifts in my mood; if only I could sit still long enough to do the research. I wonder if it is environmental? Are folk in Australian, who are experiencing Spring, feeling this oddness? If I combine the factors of age, season, phase of the moon or whatever, it still leaves me wondering
As the leaves are turning crisp and carpeting the world outside, new leaves are unfurling inside the house. Perhaps this is my metaphor for life at the moment…
“The cyclical nature of the universe is closely linked with the impermanence of all things and situations. The Buddha made this a central part of his teaching. All conditions are highly unstable and in constant flux, or, as he put it, impermanence is characteristic of every condition, every situation you will ever encounter in your life. It will change, disappear, or no longer satisfy you.” Elkhart Tolle from THE POWER OF NOW