I awoke with that unsettling sense of being disconnected. We all feel it some times. The phone lines were dead last night. Muggy, hot air seemed to hold the world all pressed down against the earth and thunder echoed off distant hills. I sat, writing and trying desperately to collect the fragments that moved like sludge through my head. Then, with a loud crack, the storm hit. Electricity charged the air and the lightening lit up the sky in momentary flashes, followed by deafening thunder.  The power flicked off and I was left with the storm.

This morning light filtered through the curtains. My green world outside was washed clean and renewed but my heart felt heavy, as if the storm had touched all but my soul. The ‘to do’ list grows longer, my hours to address it shrink. The calendar marches forward, taunting me with a feeling of time fleeing. Summer dust and dead flies accumulate, my energy feels severely sapped.

Snap out of it! Fall back on the routine that keeps me sane and moving forward. Sit with the depression and let it be for a few minutes then physically move. Take a walk and leave it by the side of the road. These clouds in my mind will bring regrowth and rain to wash away the ennui…

14 thoughts on “Ennui

  1. Perhaps it is time to shake things up (or loose as it may be). Do something totally unexpected. Make a left instead of the usual right…in the country, you never know what you will find. Go sleep in the guest room, create a spa or 5 star hotel room out of it, lots of pillows, relaxing music. Take a bath in the guest bathroom…. candles, chilled bottle of wine, bubbles. Pull out that long satin nightgown at the bottom of the drawer, put your hair up. Experiment with that make-up you have forgone these past few years. Then, crank up the dance music and dance your way through the house and sing out loud with the music. A nice no cost/low cost (depending on the bottle of wine you select) “get away”.

    I dare you……

  2. I can’t say much else than yes. It is creative, but also good to get to the end of it and feel able to be what ever is normal again. Although my normal is both..! And the weather image is usually foggy and creeps up…perhaps that is just England!

  3. I, too, love Doppleganger’s suggestion. When the doldrums threaten to crush one’s spirit breaking out and breaking away (Breaking Bad?) may be just the thing!

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