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DSC_9568No Alice Devil Dog eyes reflecting in my headlights as I pulled up the drive. Once parked in the garage, I gathered all my bags and assorted sweaters from the car.

No happy dog noises as I walked to the door, no excited red body hurtling down the hall at me. I got as far as the living room before she appeared through the sliding glass door from the deck.

“Where the Hell have you been? Do you have any idea what has gone on around here all afternoon? Did you see a critter fly by?”

Alice was in high gear. I took a quick peek around and replied, “Not tonight Alice, I can’t deal with outside toy in the house drama!”

“Oh REALLY!!” (spoken in sarcastic Shar Pei Chinese.)

“No biggy. She’s propably lying. I think it left.” yawned Skeedles as she sauntered down the spiral stairs and out the door.

Movement in the Palm tree caught my eye. (Yes, I have trees in my house.) A very tiny, terrified chipmunk leapt to a fragile frond, shaking the tree enough to drive Alice into a frenzy. I retrieved the sponge mop, lined up my shot and waited. I had one chance to knock this one out of the proverbial park. Just the right angle and I could launch the critter through the open door to the deck and freedom for us all.

This is why I have always sucked at sports that require eye-hand coördination. Tennis, Ping-pong, softball, golf? Not my game.

It skittered under the couch. “Great, farther from the door…”

“I’m just not having this, It will run for the wide open door. If we just leave it alone it will leave. It doesn’t want to be here any more than I want it here.” I called over my shoulder as I went into the kitchen to cook. I made Alice’s dinner, even sang the “Doggie Dinner Song” but she was far to excited. She trotted through the kitchen and look up at me, “How can you think of eating at a time like this!!”

For the next 10 minutes she circled the house, grabbing a mouthful of kibble before racing back to the couch. I calmly cooked and hoped for peace. “What is that noise, Alice?”

“I’m eating the wooden ends of the couch to protect you from the critter!”

“Oh this won’t do. Come into the den and watch the news with me an it will leave.” No amount of stomping and slamming of sponge mop handle under the couch could dissuade her from her post.

I set up a fan to, hopefully, change the air patterns and scent. Alice lay with her stout nose jammed under the couch attempting to such all the air from the universe. “You aren’t even a hunting breed of dog! Knock that off!!”

She stopped long enough to look at me with full disdain. “Luckily we don’t have to depend on you to defend homeland security around here. It is under there and I’m not giving up”

I cooked, Alice sucked air and dug and chewed when I wasn’t looking. Skeedles sidled by on the front deck outside the screen door. “Is she still going bonkers over that thing? I gave up hope hours ago.”

“Thanks, Skeedles, You are so high on my shit-list at the moment you would do well to disappear.”

“And I’m the only one helping you bring home the bacon!! (or chipmunk in this case) and that’s your attitude of gratitude??!!”

Yep, it must be Friday, because I just don’t have the energy to argue with her…

9 comments on “It must be Friday…

  1. Touring NH says:

    Oh no, not again!!! Love the running commentary, we have conversations in our home too, Luckily it isn’t about “outside toys”, it’s usually something like “Get off me! You are NOT a lap dog”

    1. The cooler weather is bringing out the critters! Thanks Laura!!

  2. julieallyn says:

    Put a smile on my face. Hope your household is back to normal now!

    1. As normal as a dysfunctional household such as ours can be Julie! Thanks!!

  3. Now that’s funny! Don’t ever pick up a chipmunk. A friend of mine caught one when we were in high school and it turned into the Tasmanian devil from the Bugs Bunny cartoons and shredded his fingers for him.

    1. I haven’t been tempted to pick them up. The next morning Alice proudly displayed it, or maybe it was another one???? hanging from her jowls head-first. It was pretty well spent but continually tried to haul itself around to bite her nose. What have I done to deserve this???

      1. You must be so nice to your pets that they just can’t resist getting you a nice gift every now and then.

  4. Marie Keates says:

    Cats and their presents. I hope you got it out eventually before doggy carnage ensued. I know it’s natural for them to catch and eat things (although cats seem to prefer to play with their food) but it makes a terrible mess of the house.

    1. There have been way too many “presents” since I got back from my little vacation, Marie. I know she is happy Alice and I are home but the mess is not fun!!

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