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I am a card-carrying member of the generation that pioneered the sexual revolution. We can check off “Got women out of the kitchen and enjoying life in the sack!” We drove the changes that, for better or worse, have put the world face-to-face with the vagina. Our mothers perhaps worked, but we WORK and demand equal pay and equal respect for what we do. Beyond the realm of Mad Men or however Hollywood would like to portray it, we caused a seismic shift. I could point out the downsides; latchkey kids, helicopter parenting and the latest catch-phrase, Free-Range Parenting.

I thought the world had come a long way. But I am still learning. In simple terms, my eldest daughter, Lex,  has fallen in love. Deeply, madly, ‘change-your-zip-code-and-move-in-to-test-out-life’ kind love. In fact, both of my daughters are in committed relationships. They are no longer mine but have significant others. As a parent, I expected my role to shift one day and that someone else would be their superhero. The reality is very different from my musings. I am much more emotional about being the parent of adults.

Lex and Shana announced their engagement. It was a carefully planned and perfectly executed proposal. Shana came to see me last Saturday to ask my blessing, in total secrecy. She is the perfect Yin to Lex’s Yang and I fought back tears as she described her elaborate plan to surprise Lex with the perfect ring, the perfect proposal and the promise of a life together. I kept the secret for five days, even when Lex called to chat on her way to work on Monday. My heart was dancing with joy I didn’t know existed at the prospect of the moment.

We are old, folks. Please stop with the stupid questions and ancient bias. Don’t we, of all people remember what it was like to change how the world viewed us? I am amused at the comments directed to me in concerned and somewhat cautious tones. “Did you always know she was gay?” “Do you think she really is a lesbian?” “What do you think of her relationship?”

I am thrilled she is happy and in love.  I always hoped my daughters would be deeply and totally smitten, ready to dive into life with a partner. I don’t have a label for what she is or how she loves. I just know it is love and that is the best feeling in the world.

In reality, I am learning a new language. For everyone’s comfort, do the “labels” need to change? How do I refer to the wedding? Bride and Groom, Lex carefully explained. She opened the conversation with, “I just want to explain some things to you,” and I was relieved and pleased for the education. The variety, depth and definitions of lifestyle preferences have many more names than the crude categories of the past. From “Fag” and “Old Maid” have sprung LGBT and a new way to quantify people. “Quantify” bothers me but it is part of the package as society evolves. What matters most to me is the communication, with a fascinating new glossary of ways to look at love.

Speaking of cards…

29 comments on “The game of life and love…

  1. Touring NH says:

    One day my mother said to my sister “I’d rather see you with a good woman than a bad man.” Procreation is about gender, love is not.

    1. Touring NH says:

      PS. Congrats to Lex and Shana! Wishing them all the happiness is the world.

    2. Perfect, Laura! Thank you!!

  2. Doppleganger says:

    Good On Ya! things have evolved, or should I say Some of us have evolved. Are humans not humans whether they have blue or brown eyes? Red, blonde or black hair? Pale or dark skin? Is a red, yellow or white rose still a rose? I feel saddened for those that cant or perhaps wont keep up… “you cant stop love”. Thank goodness.

    1. So true Dopp! I would have thought people our age would be more evolved but perhaps they are just curious?!

  3. Love is grand and yours for your daughters is best of all, don’t you think? I have a 20 year old gal myself and my love for her is the richest I’ve ever experienced. Enjoy the many celebrations ahead!

    1. Thank you Tricia. Blessed with two daughters and I am constantly amazed by the love we share.

  4. Congratulations to the happy couple. On a completely absurd note, do you notice how happy the Old Maid looks?

    1. Hmm, I did notice Susan but I thought she looked rather “slap happy” and wondered who she was modeled after??!!

  5. It is a delight to see your kids happily on their way. (Although being parents of adults is a whole ‘nother game HA HA. Had to laugh at your thought there.)

    1. Living and Learning, Phil. Thanks for taking the time to drop by.

  6. Absolutely marvelous, Martha. Wishing Lex and Shana all the very best. When James and I moved to New Orleans straight out of college in Kentucky, we were so lucky to be part of a group of friends from all sexual orientations. They educated us, accepted us, and made sure we knew the language of the day. Today our nieces are doing the same thing as they make their sexual preferences know. Bus as you said, the overriding and overwhelming theme is love … just love. ~Terri

    1. Thanks Terri. Agreed, the important thing in life is to just recognize the love.

  7. julieallyn says:

    Ha! Pretty sure we played with the same deck of Old Maid when we were kids. I recognize that image!

    My niece recently broke off a two year relationship with her partner. We all liked Jenna and I am sorry things did not work out. In any case, I was pleasantly surprised at how everyone (except my racist, red-necky BIL) welcomed her into the family – even my 80 year old mother.

    The times, they are (and have been!) a-changin’.

    1. I think given the chance, people are welcoming as long as it isn’t an “in your face” radical move. I loved the shot of the deck as I remember having one just like it!!

  8. As long as my kids are happy I wouldn’t care if they married a lamp post. It’s their life, not mine, and I’d be a fool to think that what made me happy would also make them happy.

    1. Spoken by the wisest of parents. I am happy when they are happy. Period.

  9. Nolsie says:

    Very well said, agree with every word! I hope lex and Shana enjoy a life full of love and respect. They are both blessed to have you are their mother and mother in law. You must be very proud.

    1. Thank you Mark. I am honored they think so much of me to ask and explain. Parenting is never easy but this is a great age for me and them.

      1. Nolsie says:

        It is indeed testimony to what they think of you. You parent without any user manuals and you just hope that you are doing the right thing, and when they become adults they decide whether or not they actually like you and appreciate the way they were brought up, and one of the ways they do this is by showing you the respect to ask you first and explain their plans before they do it. I thought that was really nice! Good for you.

  10. thevintagefarmmaid says:

    Way to hold the secret! I would’ve given it away!! Congratulations, All!

    1. Thank you vintagefarmmaid. So nice to hear from you. I couldn’t spoil the perfect plan Shana had devised and was thrilled that she chose to come to me beforehand.

  11. Marie Keates says:

    What a lovely secret to have to keep. Happiness is all I ever wanted for my boys, in whatever form it took. I haven’t always been happy with the partners they chose because, in some cases, I could see heart break ahead (particularly when my eldest son married a woman older than me). Never once did I say anything, just waited around to pick up the pieces. When you find someone who makes you happy though, you should enjoy it and be thankful. It may last a lifetime, it may not but there’s too little happiness in this world to throw it away because of someone else’s ideas or ideals.

    1. Who ever said happiness had to last in the same form forever, Marie. I agree completely, and would never trade the happiness I had with my ex. I expect these two will figure out life better than I ever did! You are so right. All we really want is for our kids to experience unbridled happiness.

  12. cheryl622014 says:

    Absolutely people are people and we fall in love. I have totally given up with any labels, our family and friends have transgender, bi neutral, bi sexual, them/they, gay, lesbian and slide in between. I no longer care as long as people love each other, respect each other and care for each other.Congratulations and Best wishes for the future to them! 🙂

    1. Well put, Cheryl. Thanks for the well wishes, I will pass them on to Lex and Shana!

  13. vert42 says:

    Reblogged this on .

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