Isn’t all of life after the age of twenty a giant leap of faith? I set that as the age where I had moved on from my childhood pinnacles of learning to drive, graduating high school, spending less and less time being a daughter/sister/child and being responsible for my actions.
Leap into marriage then divorce. Leap around the country and then the globe. Marry and leap into having children. Always expecting the net will be there if needed; or there is something better just around the corner.
Leap into divorce again and seek the solitude you think will fulfill you. Each leap increases the faith in yourself that this will be fine. With no more knowledge than you possessed when you became a mother and thought you knew what that meant, you leap again. If you had any sort of plan, it was just to note these occasions in life and journal your deepest emotions. Having a prescription for soothing those inevitable negative thoughts shores up your faith.
Some Journal quotes from this day in my history:
March 21, 2015
It is officially Spring. There is light. The days are stretching like a cat after a nap and I find myself content. There is good music and dinner cooking.
Instead of fighting the frost heaves life hands me each day, I think I will look at it as a slalom course.
March 21, 2008
We are writing a story as we live our lives. If you ceased to be, today – right now, would you feel you’d wasted time or spent it foolishly? Would you harbor regrets or smile and calmly accept what an incredible journey it had been? Today I accept. I have done my best to the best of my knowledge; I’ve such fine memories to prove it.
March 21, 1983
Oh grief and pain, guilt and sorrow. An abortion is like sex; once you have lost your virginity, it the knowledge of that innocence is lost for all time forward. I function, mechanically and seek shelter in the wrong places for my wounded emotions…
It is the first day of Spring 2016. I am compelled to step back and observe what the last 40 years of this day of renewal brought. As I leap again…