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The flu hit on Wednesday afternoon. I haven’t been sick, knocked-down-dragged-out-unable-to-function, in longer than I can remember. I thought, “This will be better by Thursday.”

On Friday morning I gave up and called my daughter to take me to the ER. I was dehydrated and knew I had to get some fluids in me fast. OK. By Saturday, I should be good to get back to life, right? Up for an hour then down for twice that many in deep sleep.

In the worst throes of it, I bargained with the devil. “I’ll be a better person. I’ll give up all my bad habits. Please just make this stop!”

Though I have no one to blame but myself and  I revel in my life of reclusiveness, there came a point where I was full of self-pity. I was beyond the point of feeling so horrible I just wanted to be alone. Kind companionship would have been a salve to my solitude. Someone to brush back my hair, plant a kiss on my forehead and assure me it was going to be alright. A cup of tea set beside my bed; a cool wash cloth to wipe away the sweat. I am a motherless child, something we all come to in life, but I missed her acutely. Sometimes life without a partner is not an easy choice.

There are friends I could have called, family who would have come running had I asked. Alice’s concerned looks and insistence on being close was comforting, though lacking in conversation. The storm waging in my guts churned the usually calm waters of my thoughts into dark wallows of self-indulgence…a dangerous territory.  Hours alone with illness are hazardous for one’s sanity.

A shadow crossed the window. A trick of light? There it was again, someone was passing by on my front walk.  I jumped out of bed with more energy than I’d had in 72 hours. Alice sounded the alarm. It was my neighbor Kate delivering a “care package” of books, cold drinks, homemade soup and bath salts. Perhaps I am not as alone as I think.

Focus on positive changes. Job offers are beginning to blossom, my hard work of the last few months is finally bearing fruit, the season has fully clicked forward into warmth and growth. Health will return and life will go on…

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18 comments on “Poor Sad Me

  1. Touring NH says:

    How miserable! I hope by now you are feeling better. It was very kind of Karen to bring you a care package when you needed it most.

    1. Thank you Laura. I am well on the mend today and grateful for feeling strong again. Hope to see you this week!

  2. Chris says:

    Hope you’re feeling better.

    1. Thank you Chris. I am better – body and mind – today. It sure puts life in perspective!

  3. jaknisell says:

    I am so sorry you are so sick! I hope you feel better soon! Let me know if you need anything!

    1. Thank you Annie. I am 100% better today but it sure was rough. Hoping to see you soon!!

  4. Hang in there Martha, it sounds like you’re on a upward track, and things are looking up. Despite having a flu shot, last winter, I got zapped by the flu, and it kicked my butt … seriously kicked my butt. I’m hardly ever sick, and consequently, am not a good sick person, and probably not a good patient either. But there’s nothing to be done with the flu except weather the storm. The only consolation I can provide is that at least you’re at home. I’ve had the flu on the road and it truly sucks. Get better soon. ~James

    1. Agreed James, being sick while on the road is nasty. I am not a good patient and do best left all alone with my misery. This time it just seemed to take too long and I was sick and tired on myself by Sunday. Feeling 100% better today! Thanks!

  5. Yuck. Sick is an awful state, and you are absolutely right that it only makes everything else seem bad, too. Glad you are over the worst of it.

    1. Thank you Susan. Time heals just about everything…that and chicken noodle soup!

  6. I hope you’re over that now. I know what alone and sick is like and it’s no fun.
    I’m glad the job offers are coming in.

    1. Thanks Allen. Feeling 100% better and more positive about life in general. Happy Spring!

  7. J. says:

    I am so glad you are feeling better. While I don’t live alone, I do draw into myself when I am not feeling well….I am a bit hermitty anyway. It was super sweet of your neighbor to bring those care packages. Nice to know there are people out there that still do that sort if thing.

    1. I count myself as a very lucky girl, J. My neighbors are there when you need them but never intrusive. Thanks for dropping by with a comment!

  8. cheryl622014 says:

    My neighbour came by and just put a tiny little square envelope in my hand. Opening it I found she’d written “A little hug”. We are so lucky

    1. What a wonderful story, Cheryl! Lovely neighbors all around.

  9. Marie Keates says:

    Hopefully you are all recovered by now as I’m so behind with my reading. It sounds like you hit rock bottom and now you’re on the way up!

    1. I keep saying it can only go up from here, Marie. Maybe you and I should go into business since it seems we are overqualified for most of life! Thank you!

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