My dictionary defines “Tectonic” as “…relating to, causing, or resulting from structural deformation of the earth’s crust…”. It also mentions a relation to building and construction. I don’t know why I feel the need to start with this explanation as you all have dictionaries at your disposal but the word just struck me as so perfect for where I am at today and have been in my life over the past few months.
October began my latest adventure with my sister, Zanne. She came to Temple to rethink her life direction.
November my job of 15+ years dissolved and for the first time in that many years my routine ended.
Today, Zanne left to start a new life and career in Arizona.
Farewell and safe travels, little Sister. I could bore my readers with hours of memories, laughter, healing and stumbles. I think I’ll wait another day for that when my heart isn’t so close to bursting from my chest.
Today, as I said, if I can keep my mind on track, I want to write about the tectonic shifts and how I have righted myself in the past from these disruptions. I’m working on a book, my book. (Not so subtle plug here). It is born of the stack of journals I have kept for the past 30+ years and a suitcase full of letters written back and forth between my mother and I. In the time before the Internet, email, texting or even fax machines, we wrote almost daily. This book is full of tectonic life shifts, the same as so many people, such as marriage, divorce, children, buying/selling/moving homes, deaths and births. But the unique ability to look back through my journals and letters is the life-line I throw myself whenever another shift occurs. I can peer back and say to myself, “You’ve made it through and reinvented your life and you will do it again.”
So due to the advancement of technology, should you be so inclined, you can witness/travel along with me as I muddle through this latest shift. I will do my best not to be maudlin or boring. On the other hand, feel free to message me if you do think I’m wallowing. It can all only make for a better story.
Today’s shift in my life feels similar to when my youngest daughter went off to college. With Lex, my oldest, I wanted her to FLY! I was so excited for her to be close enough in Boston to come home whenever but still be out there facing the world. And, I still had Hanni at home.
When Hanni got in the car to drive out to Humboldt State in Arcata, CA – a place I had never seen – my world shook.
The first time you drive up to the garage and don’t see the other car. The first glimpse of that empty bedroom. The first morning you wake up and the house is just too quiet. “Empty Nest”syndrome is not pretty and though it will be in the book, I will just tell you that after a week or so of not seeing me my neighbors stopped in with a hot meal and said I needed a shower and to get on with my life.
I think for the moment, I will tell myself that Zanne is away for a few days. OK that doesn’t explain why none of her “stuff” is here. Perhaps I could fib for a day or so and think she found a lovely house just in the next town and is busy moving? Crap, that’s not going to work.
What did I do when Hanni left? I had to shift my daily routine to recognize no one was coming home for dinner, I didn’t have to leave a light on, and I didn’t need to be sure there was food in the fridge. The good news was I did have my job to pour time and thoughts into for most of the day. Hmm, no job at the moment – this may be a bit more challenging. I used to get up at 5:30, make coffee, feed the dogs, shower, walk the dogs, do my hair and make up and be out the door before 7:15. The routine was good. The folks I met every day on the road as I walked the dog may be wondering what happened to that crazy lady with the wrinkly red dog who was out in any kind of weather but I honestly don’t miss that schedule. What is my “job” at the moment? I have given myself the luxury of finally just putting writing at the top of my schedule. Oh, eventually, the money will run out and you may be reading the insane rantings of a starving Blogger but what fun you will have watching me slump into that stage. Or, maybe I won’t. That’s the beauty of Tectonic Life Shifts. They can also result in construction and building.