Is it just me? I honestly felt I was stuck in the vortex of a tornado all week. Not a single day went as planned and I couldn’t shake the feeling that time was either standing still or racing by like I was riding a bicycle down a hill with no brakes. I’ve done my best to capture most of it in this week’s posts and keep it sane sounding. A dear friend said, reading my blog every morning is like having coffee with me. I’m not sure I was socially acceptable to have coffee with her this week, but I love the sentiment.
Emotions seldom come singly. Sadness tends to whiplash into anger. I found myself inordinately angry with stupid people this week. My Irish temper flared and I was dwelling on revenge tactics. It took my mind off sadness, an emotion which feels calm and deep. I actually caught my breath quickening and my body clenching with the anger. A call back to reality or a potential heart attack? Physically, the drain of energy from grief, was replaced with kinetic energy driven by rage.
The stupid people (or person in this case) are not worthy of this much emotion or time on my part. Our relationship became totally one-sided and childish. There was no turning that Titanic of a fellowship around and I had attempted to end it in a civil manner. We would be in close proximity occasionally due to schedules, but I had hoped there would be no more influence in my life. But bad behavior is bad behavior no matter how little you have to see of each other.
I finally looked my fury square in the eye and said, “I needed you this week to balance what I am going through. But the stronger I get, the less you matter. Thanks for the help in coping, now get the Hell out of my brain.” If I hadn’t recognized it for what it was, it would have consumed me, I wouldn’t have felt sad or gained strength from the grief. Instead, I focused on all the kind, true friends who came to me in words or person, and took solace in the genuine good of people.
A similar trick works for the days of the week. I think we all agree, the weekend is expected to be a reprieve from the five days of work-world. We deceive ourselves into thinking those two days will be devoid of all conflict and strife. Works for me!
Not much of a fun read over coffee. I’m sorry for that, but so glad it is Friday, at last.