Regrets that lead to lessons

So here is my total brain-dump for this week. Late in the day last Friday, I published a blog post that I was not feeling thrilled about.  My usual hour to publish is 7 am. I responded to emails throughout the day from folks who feared I was dead or wondered about my mental status. Good to know someone notices when you don’t show up for work at the job that doesn’t pay.  Actually, yes, good to know you are missed no matter what the circumstances.

So,  later in the day I hit the “publish’ button, bravely refused to even view the suggested edits from the WORDPRESS EDITOR GOD  and said, “What the Hell, they want a blog post? Here’s what I didn’t consider worthy!”

I think I have hit a creative obstacle. It’s not a wall, merely a “question” as they say in the world of Eventing. I always thought that was funny, as Night and I galloped across the cross-country field at speeds no one my age should have done, the jumps were called “Questions”. For the most part, my eyes were closed, except when I glimpsed our progress through small slits and counted down the jumps so Night knew where to go next. The question was always “Am I remembering to breath?”

This “question,” as opposed to a wall, is what is the next creative path I should follow? I have allowed my blog to be stream-of-consciousness, a “follow my foibles” writing adventure.” My memoir is published and quietly collecting dust, but  remains my greatest achievement of the last two years. So where do I go next? I’m feeling regrets for not working harder at “Being An Author.” I’m tickled to death I had the success I did.

I’m loving retail sales in a quirky little New England town that holds my relatives in its oldest cemetery. I know there is a lesson to all this, I just have to listen.

The lessons to be learned are, in no particular order:

• you can control your ability to see the opportunities in every interaction, every minute.
• when life hands you aging Bokhara rugs and dogs, find a way to minimize the damage on both, but don’t buy a new vacuum.
• watch carefully for those windows when someone here or gone, reaches out to you and just accept them for what they are.
• please don’t ask me, “So what have you been up to?!?” because all you had to do was google me then you could.
• Don’t mess with fire…

Start of a burn pile, 3/28/13