Huge waves of frustration with the world at large; which in turn became ugly red anger. Such a waste of emotion – anger.
I awoke to a cold and wet, gray day. Finally, a Saturday in the late Fall to revel in the outdoors, even chores like putting away the hoses and lawn furniture would be enjoyable, were it not 42°s and dark. The list of errands was endless but I stayed home and waited for my noon beekeeping appointment passing the time by installing the snow stakes. That is one ritual of this season that always saddens me. The contours of the land will disappear and meld into banks of white. Snow stakes guide the plow and snow-blower when the drive and walkway are no longer obvious. The weather was too cold and rainy to go into the hives, and had my phone been working, I would have known the appointment was rescheduled. At least I got the screens put away and the hoses rolled up for the winter.
Early afternoon I raced off down the road to make my rounds of shopping. It wasn’t looking like I would get to the barn for a ride; a somber thought but one I pushed from the pile of frustration before me. The news wasn’t much better when I came home. Someone had been sick on the living room carpet and someone else had walked through it. Chasing my tail against the retreating daylight, I climbed to my loft only to discover I had forgotten to put up the gate. Alice had spent the afternoon finishing off every morsel of cat food then moved on the “cleaning” the litter box. Why do I have pets? That would explain the mess on the carpet. As my head pounded I realized too, that I hadn’t taken the time to eat all day.
“All I’m doing is cleaning up shit I didn’t cause!!”
First came the tears. I sat on the kitchen floor hugging Alice and apologizing for my ill temper. A glance at the dog’s water bowl made me giggle. Alice had already been punished by the cement of the litter and had tried to hide the evidence by washing her mouth out in the bowl. Then I sat and wrote. And wrote. And sat up a little straighter and shook my shoulders back. Tonight I will have an extra hour of sleep. Daylight savings shifts the world into shortening hours of light and the need to pull back and hunker down. It will be lighter when I awake. A new month and another step forward.