And so it goes…

A wise woman said to me “Perhaps your house hasn’t sold because your next home isn’t ready yet?” We were wandering the trails around the backside of Temple Mountain on horseback. The air had that gentle promise of spring, water gurgled below the surface of the snow, creating space for the earth to push up and soften. Indeed, paths open and directions become clear on their own schedule.

It has been a long slog. I try to end every day listening carefully to the positive small voice that tells me it will all be OK and I have done all I can for now. There are times in life when the timing of events is completely out of our control. It is best to give in to the small joys of the moment, ignoring the ‘elephant in the room’ anxieties.

Where have I been for the past six months? Every month I titled my journal entries:

  • When Inspiration Abounds
  • In the Beginning
  • The End is Near
  • Rhythm and Speed, Rhythm and Reason
  • Send my social security number to Bangalore India? Why, YES Please!
  • The Optimism of Uncertainty

I took a job at a bank. It was a decision born of desperation but it provided some respite from financial stress. Unfortunately, it is probably the only job I have ever held that had the potential to utterly eradicate every shred of self-worth I possess. My journals are full of raw emotion and fear.

My heart wrenched as one daughter moved back across the country to her new destiny, and the other brought my family together with a most magical wedding, renewing my faith in love. When the job proved too much for my soul, I threw all caution to the wind and left. My latest reincarnation on the employment front is to go back to my creative roots  and public service. I am back at the Chamber of Commerce where we have applied for a Grant to start a women’s entrepreneur network. AWE – Advancing Women Entrepreneurs, is a fledgling effort; full of hope and promise. A logo to design, marketing to consider, ideas spark and take hold.

The days are longer, warmer. I  leave home and return again in day light. The dark, short days and cold nights ending in a hurried dinner and early bed are gone. Windows are cracked open; my heart is lighter.

Five years ago I left a big, corporate job. I promised to write, to BE a writer. I self-published my memoir. I wrote my blog and I found ways to exist with less. This is hard, harder perhaps than anything I have done before because the luxury of years ahead to correct the course has been remove. Yet, the quiet voice eggs me on – do good, be good and it will be OK.

The re-emergence I wrote of has been hard-won. I’ve lived in my head for far too long;  but the comments and support from  readers have been the push I needed to start again, It would seem the world in general is telling me to follow my dream and write it down…


My New Year’s Eve tradition of opening the Memory Jar…


16 thoughts on “And so it goes…

  1. Like you I walked out of a job that was slowly killing me. Of course I had the safety net of a husband with a job and savings. Money has never been a motivator for me and I’m enjoying ridding myself of too many possessions that own me rather than the other way around while earning a little here and there. I’ve also revisited many of the crafts I learned as a child, knitting, crochet, even felting, repurposing and recycling instead of buying. Money will run out eventually I suppose but the future is a hazy thing. Finally I have learned to live in the moment…mostly.

  2. Hooray! You’re back. Keep posting here. I, too, took a 3-month break from blogging, after the death of my beloved father. I only started back two weeks ago. Spring is around the corner and a time for renewal.

  3. I love your attitude. So many people would have slunk away in defeat, never giving themselves the possibility to see the future as it can/will be. You will do great at the CoC – you are in your element there!

  4. I’m sure you’ll be telling us more about AWE in time. It sounds perfect for your entrepreneurial spirit. Fingers crossed for much support. Lots going on…

  5. Martha, Martha. How I’ve missed your uncanny way to describe the minutiae of the day in a most compelling voice, one that carries the reader along to the very end. I agree with Annie’s comment above. I’m interested to hear more about AWE and excited for you to have discovered this new opportunity. 🙂

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