I used to bump my head on the glass ceiling. The invisible corporate leash that tethers you to almost greatness, if you only were a guy. I’m not militant or even mildly “soap-boxish” about it. It was just a fact and I think I did pretty well for a kid from Byfield, MA with only two years of college.

So the dirty little secret is, I now crash through my own, self-imposed glass floors of fiscal responsibility. This has been a fascinating period of examining the things I thought money bought me. I was so busy spending it, I didn’t realize how little time for joy I had.

What I just wrote is not to imply life is all the roses and rainbows. I broke through that last chunk of survival cash, my personal line in the sand where I had said, “Well, you ought to be scared shitless or employed by that point!” But oddly, I’m not either. I look at the opportunities and put a lot of faith in filing my taxes early and getting a refund. I have to continue to believe this is all leading somewhere wonderful because the ride so far has been too exciting to get off and be responsible. The Yin and Yang of driving my own efforts at sustainability and facing certain financial realities.

Then I remember, “Didn’t we have this same discussion about 6 months ago?  Aren’t we still here?”  I haven’t had a bad day  I haven’t gotten through so far.

In fact, here’s exactly where I was one short year ago:

I had an epiphany today.  Everyone throws that word around, but let’s see what it really means.Wikipedia:  An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, “manifestation, striking appearance”) is an experience of sudden and striking realization. Generally the term is used to describe breakthrough scientific, religious or philosophical discoveries, but it can apply in any situation in which an enlightening realization allows a problem or situation to be understood from a new and deeper perspective.I do love and overuse Wikipedia, I know.Anyway, the epiphany came as  I got more stressed and down in the dumps about time-lines and money and goals.  I started thinking about selling my truck and horse trailer, lightening my closet and jewelry box, anything that would extend my savings and time before I get too far down the road of unemployment to bounce back.Suddenly, and I do mean quite out of the blue, I realized I am right where I am supposed to be for now.  This is the time to be working on exactly what I am working on.  There is no schedule for production, production happens on the world’s schedule in this particular career.

Instead of looking back at what I should have, could have, might have done or forward into the vagueness of the future at where I think I should be,  I need to look at where I am at today and how I am marching forward with my dreams and goals for the bigger picture.  Yes, I need to be aware of time and money – aware and mindful.  But that can’t rule my mind or it will grind to a halt.

Every flower blooms at just the right time, regardless of what the other plants are doing.  Every butterfly emerges from it’s cocoon right on schedule.

Pay attention friends, it’s all been written before…