search instagram arrow-down

Recent Posts

Archives

Top Posts & Pages

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 5,641 other followers

likeable-blog-1337-1x.png

Thanks for Freshly Pressing me again!!

Freshly Pressed

Blog Stats

Blogs I Follow

Blog Stats

And again! Thank you to all who follow and support me!!

A Tale of Two Egos

I’m wrestling with two egos who are on the verge of coming to fisticuffs in my head.  I was happily sitting in my loft writing and researching when a call from an old colleague broke my attention span.

He had a headhunter looking for someone just like me.  Last week I received a similar heads-up and had forwarded my resume to someone else at the same recruiting firm.  A follow up phone call was on my list for today.

No sooner had this friend hung up when another call came from the headhunter himself.  (Why do I see shades of my first husband’s Borneo Blow Gun collections in my mind when I hear that term?)  I shot off my resume in an email, he called back and we set up a meeting for this Thursday.  BAM.

OK, I thought, I need to vacuum for a while on this one.  Mindless activity, that actually has a positive result, regardless of the outcome of my decision is always good.  The job is in Boston, bad.  It pays what I used to make, good.  What if I can’t even get past the interview?  Am I still good enough to play in corporate America?  Suddenly, I “almost” desperately wanted the job.

That’s when the alter ego struck.  “You promised yourself to see the novel through.  You committed yourself.  Why, just this morning at the local breakfast joint, (an activity you craved being able to do regularly in the old world), someone introduced you as a writer.”

Fiscal Responsibility looks like a disapproving parent, a nun, a teacher you frantically want to impress.  FR wears dark clothes of the finest cloth and speaks in numbers and “corporateese”.  FR points to what you are doing at this very moment, vacuuming at 2:00 in the afternoon, and pantomimes disappointment with furrowed brow.

Creativity is a salacious lover.  C woos you with all your senses and surrounds you with sunshine and calm waters.  “See how much more beautiful and sensual your world has become?  The photos and words make you whole and light!”

FR looks upon C as a dalliance, a fun fancy that has run its course.  “You aren’t old enough to retire but you may be too old to get a job like this if you wait around for disaster to strike.” The truth is my skills at being the kind of “responsible” person I used to be are dulled beyond recognition.  Can I even speak the language of my old job?

Then my mind screamed”STOP!” and I shut off the vacuum.  I started jotting down names I could use for  references on Thursday while thumbing through my dusty closet.

C sidled up and leaned against the closet door, arms folded across his chest with a quizzical look on his face.  He has me at quizzical.  I love that word.  I love words!  I am seduced again.

A soaking, pounding rain came up out of nowhere.  After a winter of constant snow, the sound seemed foreign and stopped me in my blithering.

I looked around and saw my world of huge windows full of light, soft music of my choosing, and adoring animals who are definitely taking advantage of the situation.  I then imagined the picture without me in it…

Nothing requires a decision today.  Nothing is pressing.  Thursday I will go through the motions of putting on that old skin and walking around in it.  Maybe that will be enough to tell me which path to pursue.  I’ve straddled these worlds before and am better equipped to do it again having had this time to reflect on what makes me feel whole.

2 comments on “A Tale of Two Egos

  1. Anonymous says:

    Best of luck Martha…follow your heart.Heather

  2. Somewhere there is a balance between FR and C, although few ever find it. Listen to Jiminy Cricket and let conscience be your guide. Best of luck either way!

Love to know what you are thinking! And thank you for commenting.
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Putnam, in the studio and beyond

Reflections and ruminations in Education, Beauty, Art and Philosophy

Gringa of the Barrio

A Sassy Barrio Gringa Telling It Like It Is

Badfish & Chips Cafe

Travel photos, memoirs & letters home...from anywhere in the world

The city of adventure

From there to back again (usually on a bike)

Nolsie Notes

My stories, observations, and art.

Shellie Troy Anderson

~ WRITER, REBEL, RACONTEUR ~ AND MOST OF THE TIME A MIDDLE-AGED DESK JOCKEY

Oh, the Places We See . . .

Honey, grab the GPS.

The Task at Hand

A Writer's On-Going Search for Just the Right Words

Breaking New Ground in Zone 6

The adventures of Southern gardeners starting over in New England

Marsha's Bungalow

the WW2 era chicken coop

iwalkalone.co.uk

the world one step at a time

Tootlepedal's Blog

A look at life in the borders

Susan's Musings

Whimsical Stuff from a Writer's Mind

Travels with Choppy

A dog and cat in clothing. Puns. Travel. Bacon. Not necessarily in that order.

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

A Sawyer's Daughter

The Life & Times of a Sawmill Man's Eldest Child

Not Another Tall Blog

Not just another tall blog. Because being tall is NOT all we talk about! Follow me for tall talents, tall fashion, rock interviews and more!

On The Heath

where would-be writer works with words

The adventures of timbertwig in the forest of Burnley and the Rossendale Valley

crafts, permaculture, forest management, self employment, cycling

cheryl62blog

Time to change, live, encourage and reflect.

GARDEN OF EADY

Bring new life to your garden!

The Grey Enigma

Help is not coming. Neither is permisson. - https://twitter.com/Grey_Enigma

Ethereal Nature

The interface of the metaphysical, the physical, and the cultural

UP!::urban po'E.Tree(s)

by po'E.T. and the colors of pi

Kindness Blog

Kindness Images, Videos, True Life Stories, Quotes, Personal Reflections and Meditations.

Crazy Green Thumbs

Chronicling a delusional gardening experience.

New Hampsha' Bees

Raising bees holistically in New Hampshire

AM Simpson

Loves Final Kiss

Indie Hero

Brian Marggraf, Author of Dream Brother: A Novel, Independent publishing advocate, New York City dweller

Therapeutic Misadventures

Daily musings on life after 60 & recreating oneself

valeriu dg barbu

©valeriu barbu

Writing Out Loud

A Place of Observation

cancer killing recipe

Just another WordPress.com site

Archon's Den

The Rants & Rambles of A Grumpy Old Dude

hoosiersunshine13

Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why. -Kurt Vonnegut

Once upon a time... I began to write

My journey in writing a novel

Not a Day Over 45

A View from Mid-Life

theflexifoodie.wordpress.com/

Delicious plant-based, whole food recipes & my healthy living tips!

Sharon Hewitt Rawlette

Memoirist. Essayist. Philosopher.

Diane Tibert

~ writer - editor - publisher ~

Amintiri din Bucătărie

Memories from the Kitchen

White Shadows

Story of a white pearl that turned to ashes while waiting for a pheonix to be born inside her !

At Home in New Hampshire

Living and Writing in the North East

JOSELYN'S BRAWL

Two rare, life-threatening diseases that led to a bone marrow transplant and a snappy Buttkick List

Stephanie Raffelock

A good story can transform the way that you see the world.